Your attachment style as a child can shape the way you relate to others in adulthood. If you have a secure attachment, you are likely to be emotionally healthy and able to form healthy relationships.
However, if you had an insecure attachment, you may find yourself struggling to relate effectively as an adult. Here are some steps you can take to overcome these challenges and develop a healthier relationship:
1. Focus on your needs
The best way to ensure you are getting your needs met in a relationship is to take the time to identify what you want and need. This may require a bit of self-reflection and a willingness to be honest about yourself, but in the end it will pay off in more ways than one.
The best place to start is with a list of your top three or four core needs, which can be in any combination of emotional, mental, physical and spiritual categories. This will allow you to better articulate your wants and needs so you can be more efficient in a given situation.
To find the best fit for your personality and relationship needs, you might want to consider a consultation with a psychotherapist or a hypnotherapist. Your therapist will help you work through your repressed feelings and teach you how to be a happier you. This will likely involve some serious self-reflection and some tough love, but in the end you will be happier and healthier for it. The best part is that you will have a more rewarding relationship that you can both count on for years to come.
2. Let go of the past
Letting go of the past is a process that requires a lot of emotional processing. This can include releasing negative emotions, such as anger and resentment, while also seeking support from a mental health professional.
It can be hard to let go of a difficult relationship, but it’s essential if you want to move on and find love again. Often, letting go of a past relationship means learning to forgive and forget.
The best way to do this is to remember that your past was not perfect, but it still had a lot of good in it. Focusing on the positive aspects of your past relationship can help you move on to a new, happy future with another person.
You can also practice letting go by getting rid of any physical reminders of your ex. This includes old photos, mementos, or items that were in your home together.
For example, if your ex has a childhood teddy bear or a winter jacket, do not keep them in your house. These items are important to them, but they are no longer relevant to you.
Getting rid of physical reminders is an important step to letting go of the past, but it’s also a personal choice. If you’re not ready to get rid of the items, at least put them in a box or store them somewhere where they won’t be able to find them.
Once you’ve removed the physical reminders, you can start to think about what else is happening in your life that you can celebrate. For example, you might have wonderful friends or a job that you enjoy.
Letting go of the past can be difficult, but it’s essential if you have a healthy relationship with yourself and other people. It may involve practicing self-compassion, trying mindfulness techniques, or reaching out to a therapist for help with unresolved feelings.
3. Let go of expectations
Unrealistic expectations are a major cause of dissatisfaction in many relationships. They are often rooted in a subconscious space filled with unprocessed pain from our past, or an underlying need for a lot of comfort and security that we are trying to get from others.
These expectations can lead to a variety of problems in your relationship including feelings of disappointment, resentment and anger. They can also leave you feeling unsure of yourself, misunderstood and alone in your life.
Letting go of expectations is an important step in allowing yourself to become an adult in your relationship. It is vital that you understand what your needs are and set healthy boundaries so that you can be a safe and fulfilling part of your partner’s life.
When you let go of your expectations, you can start to appreciate the things about your partner that you may have previously taken for granted. For example, your partner may not always fold their towels the way you prefer them to be folded, but they’ve always done a good job of putting their laundry away, or took the dog for a walk after a long day at work.
By focusing on your partner’s positive qualities, you can improve your relationship. This will help you to be a healthier and happier person.
You can also learn to communicate your needs and desires openly with your partner, so that you both are clear on what it is that you want out of your relationship. This will make it easier to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Learning to let go of expectations can be a challenge, but it is an essential aspect of becoming an adult in your relationships. By learning to be flexible and practicing mindfulness, you can build better relationships with your partner.
4. Let go of the ego
The ego is a part of our personality that helps us make assessments and relate to people. It can be helpful, but it also can be toxic if we allow it to become neurotic. Unhealthy egos can lead to anxiety, panic, and drama, among other things.
Letting go of the ego can be difficult, but it’s essential to do if you want to have a healthy relationship. There are several ways to do this, including soul-searching and learning how to let go of your need to uphold your self-esteem.
You can also practice random acts of kindness, such as paying for the groceries of a senior behind you at the checkout or helping a child find their mother in a mall. These acts of generosity can actually help you feel more in control of your ego and reduce your feelings of anger and entitlement.
Another important part of letting go of your ego is recognizing that everyone is not perfect and will make mistakes from time to time. This can be especially hard for those with a large ego, but it’s worth it in the long run.
In the end, if you can learn to let go of your need to be right all the time, it will help you build a healthier reputation and avoid putting too much stress on your relationships.
Practicing presence and gratitude are two things that will help you let go of your ego, as are practicing meditation. They will help you see the world more clearly, allowing you to view your situation from a new perspective. You may even need to seek professional help in order to truly overcome your ego.
5. Let go of the need to control
Letting go of the need to control in relationships is a process that requires practice. However, it can also be a rewarding experience when you finally master it.
The first step is to become aware of what makes you feel like you need to control. It’s often a coping mechanism from trauma or other deep-seated issues that you’re struggling to unpack in a safe way.
If you have a history of controlling behaviors, consider getting professional help from a counselor or therapist to explore your roots. This will allow you to gain perspective and take steps toward change.
Another helpful tip is to practice releasing control in one small, safe, and non-important situation at a time. For example, you might decide to let go of your desire to control how your partner responds to a particular situation.
You can use imagery to help you visualize this process. For example, picture a boulder that you have to keep above your head for a long time, and then imagine dropping it next to you.
Practicing this process can be challenging, but it’s important for your mental and emotional well-being. Once you start to see the benefits, it will become easier and more natural for you to let go of your need to control.
If you’re struggling with this process, it can be helpful to reach out to a friend or loved one who also struggles with control. Ask them to join you in the journey, and to meet or talk with you regularly about how it’s going. Having support will make this process easier and more rewarding.